Once upon a time when I was a young and spry eighteen-year-old, I met my best friend and the love of my life. We did everything together and we never failed to make each other laugh. We supported each other through times of stress, intense change, and sadness. We spent a year studying abroad and traveling around Europe budget-style, we graduated together, and I stood behind him during his first year of graduate school. I trusted him more than I was ever able to trust anyone before and we planned to spend the rest of our lives with each other. I felt safe with him.
Exactly 4.5 years later, he decided that it would be best to end our relationship. I did not see it coming, as he had been promising me that he was in it for the long haul up until the day before. It was the biggest shock of my life. I still can't believe what happened and it's going to take a long time for me to recover. Without going into detail, I'm floored that someone could end up being so selfish and cold-hearted. He was the last person on earth I could see doing something like this -- apparently, 4.5 years isn't enough to get to know a person's true nature.
When you spend a that much time with a person, you end up giving up a part of yourself to put into the relationship. It's not necessarily a bad thing, as this sacrifice allows an intense bond to grow between two people that ultimately strengthens both individuals. It's great while it lasts, but Jesus...it's unbelievably horrible when it ends, especially when you don't see it coming. Due to the shock of this, I feel like I need to reevaluate everything in my life, including myself. Who the hell am I? How did I get here? Can I do this on my own? I'm already so hypervigilant and suspicious...how will I learn to trust anyone again?
What is it going to take for me to get better after having the rug pulled out from under my feet?
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